it's thursday and i'm sitting here, beer in hand - wearing frumpy clothes - cat on my lap - dog by my feet, a few friends circled around me - gossiping. the radio is on, playing a wicked mixed tape i made - i mean cd... :) but wait...i run my fingers through my hair and i scratch my ear... as i lower my arm back to my side it gently caresses my cheek and falls along my chin. WHAT?!? what is this...? a crumb from a cookie i ate at dinner? a piece of lint that fell off my oversized sweat shirt when i pulled it over my head? SWEET JESUS!!!!!! AN F'IN CHIN HAIR!!! had this been a movie or tv show i would have zoomed in for an 'extreme close up' on the little black, thick, unwanted guest. seems like ever since i turn the big 3-0....things that never happened to me in the past, are happening to me now. wtf?! why? karma? am i being punished for laughing at friends or anyone for that matter, as they humiliate themselves in public? is it because i'm so ravishingly beautiful that it's the universes way for me to learn humility - pppphhhffftttttt... hee hee, kidding. anyway, why was i plagued with such and intrusion? this is going to hurt my love life - well, atleast continue to to hinder my non-existent love life... what will happen one night - when i'm FINALLY on the date of my dreams, and the dude i'm with, as we're mackin' out, starts grabin' at my goodies - get's all 'hot & bothered' - and goes to slightly pull on my hair but caresses my chin/cheeks as he makes his way to my head and he runs over the prickly pete growing out of my chin?!? what then - huh? THE HORROR!!!
ack - so i went into the bathroom - somewhat 3 sheets to the wind... cause we've been drinking...ssshhhhhh - i find my tweezers and begin to try to pluck the bastard out. as i try to focus, my sister walks past the bathroom - i'm hanging out her house for a while - anyway, she walks past me and wonders what the fuck i'm doing... i say to her, 'HELP'! i can't get this chin hair out! help me please! so, she angles me towards the light, and begins to find what i've been fingering for the past 10 mins... wait, that sounded a bit risqué... hee hee - anyway, she finds the culprit and proceeds to tell me it's an ingrown - and can't get it out! not only has this new unwanted friend made its way to my baby face, it's an f'in ingrown! OH LORD - WHY... wait, if i tweeze it, does it mean that 6 more will grow in its place like grey hair? should i just maybe bleach this one lil' hair? my drunkin' dilemma. so, my sister grabs some toilet paper and begins to try to squeeze the fucker out. it hurt, but kinda felt good at the same time...does that make me weird - or creepy? anyway, it pokes through a wee bit and i was able to dig it out - unfortunately for me, it left a big red mark from digging it out with the tweezers. it also lead me to see that my eyebrows needed a weeee cleanup... that fiasco further lead me in calling the spa at 1am - friday morning, leaving a message asking them to squeeze me in for a brow cleanup after my, maybe...possibly...going at my brows - with drunkin' eyes. i might have possibly; just a weeee bit - plucked out one tooooo many hairs and now have a couple of bald spots through each brow... TIP: hide the tweezers, hair dye and scissors when you plan on having a few gals over to drink, hang out, & catch up...that is, until you realize that hen parties consisting of alcoholic beverages, talk about relationships that may be failing, guy bashing, sex that's not fulfilling anymore, coloring people's hair, tweezing and trimming ones bangs - DON'T MIX!
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