Guide to decoding 'Guy Speak'

Granted men are much less of a mystery to women than women are to men. Men typically speak very plainly and honestly, except when trying to get you to sleep with them, then all bets are off. It isn’t that men are inarticulate oafs, they just speak plainly and lack the ability to candy coat their words like women do so effortlessly. Where men get into trouble is when they try to communicate to a woman, like a woman. Men do this because most men have learned early that if they speak to a woman like a man, straight-from-the-hip, they can expect swift and painful consequences. Most women know the truth about what a man means, we just prefer that the truth not be served raw on a verbal silver platter. For the most part, there is very little variance between what men say and what they really mean; however, there are times when things communicated by a man get lost in translation.

Man’s Speak:

I’m hungry = I’m hungry
Maybe = Yes, if I get sex tonight
We need to talk = I’m breaking up with you
I’m tired = I’m tired but can still have sex
I’m sorry = Can we still have sex?
You know, you’re right = I still think I’m right but I want to have sex later
Nice dress = Nice ass/cleavage, can we have sex?
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance = I want to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime = I want to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie = I want to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner sometime = I want to have sex with you
I love you = I want to have sex with you…now
I put new tires on your car = I love you

The Sharktopus Trailer Should Win The Nobel Prize For Awesome

With all the rockin' movies the past year or so, and admittedly each having its own tent in Awesome City, I feel I must warn you that the small screen's most exciting movie event of the spring just molested my eyes with its tentacles in the new trailer for SyFy's Sharktopus.

As you may recall the film is set to star none other than Mickey Rourke's good buddy Eric Roberts as a research scientist that develops a secret military weapon that is Sharktopus. As with all great movies about a hybrid shark/octupus, the weapon breaks free of control only to wreak havoc on the beaches of Mexico. Why Mexico? Little know fact but Sharktopus loves Tecate, and really, who doesn't? No release date as of yet but will let you know as soon as I do.

I'm not sure who to thank for the best trailer ever besides Tony Danza and the SyFy channel, but whoever is responsible for the amazing theme song should not go unnoticed.